FINNEY'S METRO VOICE

Finney's 5: Benefits of private Medicaid

Daniel P. Finney
dafinney@dmreg.com
Finney's 5

Gov. Terry Branstad’s effort to privatize Iowa’s Medicaid program is controversial. The Iowa Hospital Association is suing to block the move. State courts recommended throwing out one of the private contractors. But here are some benefits of privatization that some of us may have missed:

  1. Prescription medications to be delivered by tactical drone strikes launched from Iowa Air National Guard Base.
  2. Much better to have the caring souls of corporate boards of directors running Medicaid than liberal, socialist goons running Obamacare.
  3. Preferential treatment to any Medicaid patients who participated in “Movember” and grew a mustache equal to or better than Gov. Branstad’s.
  4. Once uncomfortable visits to doctors for annual physicals that decided on patients’ healthcare needs based on “medical science” to be replaced with soothing performance evaluations that will decide patients’ healthcare needs based on quarterly profit goals.
  5. Money saved by privatizing Medicaid will go back directly to the rich people who don’t need Medicaid in the first place.

Daniel P. Finney, the Register’s Metro Voice columnist, pokes fun at the passing parade Mondays at DesMoinesRegister.com/Finney. Reach him at 515-284-8144 or dafinney@dmreg.com. Twitter: @newsmanone.